Chapter Sixteen

"Whether your husband is spiritually mature, immature, or in between, you heavenly Father likely will call you to love him and to sacrifice on his behalf. Whether you feel frustrated by his apathy or burdened by his zeal, in the end it all comes down to the same thing: marriage is about sacrifice." (pg 220)

Phil 2:14 "Do everything without complaining or arguing..."

"You must find out what he loves doing and learn to do it with him." -"Catherine"

"Marriage is about choosing to allow the strong points of your marriage to be the dominant points, the areas you choose to focus on. Where you absolutely can't meet, you find a way to detour." -"Catherine"

"Wives tend to feel disappointed when their imperfect husbands act imperfectly." (pg 233)

"The reality is, no easy answers exist. I can't give you an iron-clad recipe that will guarantee your husband's conversion - and anybody who tells you differently, frankly, is lying. But a gentle and quiet heart, mixed with a patient spirit, in a woman who keeps praying and who finds ways to connect with her husband greatly increases the possibility that she will one day pray to the God of her dreams with the man of her dreams." (pg 235)

Chapter Fifteen

Are you involved in the pastimes your husband enjoys?

In your family, do you put your husband first?

"We grow together by degrees, and we grow apart by degrees." (pg 214)

"Look a the little decisions you've made over the past six months.
Are you consciously growing toward your husband or away from him?
Are the two of you building areas of shared interest, or are yous lowly and unintentionally cultivating separate lives?"

Chapter Fourteen

"I believe that most of us aren't manipulatively withholding something we know is critical to our husband's sense of well-being. Much more likely is that after a long day at the office or with the kids, we just don't feel an overwhelming desire to rip off our husband's clothes and go at it. I suspect we simply don't realize the emotional consequences of our response (or lack of one) and view his desire for sex more as a physical desire or even an insensitive demand. Once we truly comprehend the truth behind our husband's advances, we're more likely to want to respond." -Shaunti Feldhahn

"The apostle Paul doesn't say you must desire your husband; he just says you are not allowed to deprive him (1 Cor 7:5)."

Chapter Thirteen

As relationship reward you as a woman, so achievement rewards your husband. Have you been holding this goal-oriented mentality against him?

"If you take the cause out of a man, there is no reason for the man." -German Proverb

"Let the wife make the husband glad to come home, and let him make her sorry to see him leave." -Martin Luther

"The very thing that draws most couples together actually drives them into marital counseling." -Steve Wilke

Chapter Twelve

"What would you like me to do that I'm not doing? (pg 161)

"God gives you your spouse as the person who can fix those things in you that you really don't want to fix." (pg 164)

"When you give yourself first to God, you open yourself up to his correction, affirmation, and redemption." (pg 168)

Chapter Eleven

Anger itself is NOT a sin, but what we do with it can be!

Chapter Ten

Proverbs 15:1 "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."

Eccl 9:17 "The quiet words of the wise are more to be heeded than the shouts of a ruler of fools."

"We need to let go of the past so we don't keep coloring the present with it." (pg 137)

How can you effectively share your needs with your husband?

2 Cor 7:1 "Since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God."

Eph 4:15 "...speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ."

Spiritual Steps
1. See your value through the Lord's eyes
2. See your husband's value through the Lord's eyes
3. See yourself as a sister in Christ (accountability)

Chapter Nine

When was the last time you asked "Am I good in bed?"

Matthew 24:12 "Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold."

Would you applaud your own effort in building up your husband?

Proverbs 24:30-34 "I went past the field of the sluggard, past the vineyard of the man who lacks judgement; thorns had come up everywhere, the ground was covered with weeds, and the stone wall was in ruins. I applied my heart to what I observed and learned a lesson from what I saw: A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest - and poverty will come on you like a bandit and scarcity like an armed man."

Have you stopped trying to captivate your husband?

Chapter Eight

"For our purposes, it's enough to say that if you really want to motivate your man and communicate with him, as well as enjoy a fulfilling marriage with him and raise healthy kids with him, stop expecting him to act or think like a woman. He can't do that." (pg 104)

Which can you see taking a toll on your marriage: stonewalling, timing differences, in-tuned-ness, emotional rest?

"It's the wise wife who encourages her husband to occasionally go off on his own." How can you do this?

Proverbs 11:12 "A man who lacks judgment derides his neighbor, but a man of understanding hold his tongue."

Chapter Seven

"I renounced my individuality the day I got married"

"Instead of giving thanks for romance when it comes, we crave it, demand it, and even build our lives around it." (pg 93)

"...If more women would concern themselves with being responsible instead of obsessing about whether they feel happy, fulfilled, and "important," we would have a lot more women who are happy and fulfilled - and a much stronger church and world."

1 Peter 3:9 "Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing."

"I cannot promise you that if you respond with a blessing when you're hurt or wounded, your husband will change. I cannot promise you a life of happiness and personal fulfillment, but I can promise you that you are living according to your purpose and calling as a Christian; you are obeying the will of God and there is peach in obedience. The first reason you are to respond this way is not so that you can secure a hoped-for change in your mate, but because it is God's desire that you make this kind of response." -Linda Dillow

"But you've those very arts in yourself, if only you're willing to make use of them. He's yours whether you like it or not; that's settled. The better you make him, the better off you'll be. You have eyes only for his failings. These intensify your disgust, and with this handle you're simply catching him where he can't be held. Mark the good in him, rather, and by this means take him where he can be held. The time to weigh his faults was before you married him, since a husband should be chosen not only with eyes, but with ears too. Now's the time for improving him, not blaming him." -Erasmus

Chapter Six

Genesis 2:18 "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."

What comes to your mind when you hear the word "helper" used to describe you?

Does this view change as you read through verses that describe God as our helper?

Challenge: Pray "How can I help my husband today" for a week...and act on it.

Chapter Five

Phil 4:8 "Por ultimo, hermanos, consideren bien todo lo verdadero, todo lo respetable, todo lo justo, todo lo puro, todo lo amable, todo lo digno de admiracion, en fin, todo lo que sea excelente o merezca elogio."

What is admirable about your partner?

When was the last time you complimented him on that?

Think of a time when someone complimented you and you tried your hardest to live up to that.

What unrealistic expectations have you had in your marriage/toward your husband?

Ruth Graham Bell: I pity the married couple who expect too much from one another. It is a foolish woman who expects her husband to be to her what only Jesus Christ can be: always ready to forgive, totally understanding, unendingly patient, invariably tender and loving, unfailing in every area, anticipating every need, and making more than adequate provision. Such expectations put a man under an impossible strain."

Chapter Four

"What once seemed like an extraordinary occurrence of flour and oil that never ran out soon because a common blessing, so expected that it ceased to be noticed, much less appreciated."

Name three "common blessings" that have become commonplace that you can encourage your hubby with today.

Rule #1: Stop taking your husband for granted.

Chapter Three

What if the very thing that most bugs you about your man constitutes God's plan to teach you something new?

"How is [God] using your marriage to teach you how to love?" (pg 40)

Romans 5:3-5 "Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."

What do you dream for your husband?

"God made you to remake the world. Your home is where it starts." (pg 42)

Chapter Two

Have you been paralized by fear?

"Initial romance is unearned; it seems to fall on us out of nowhere. But marriage has to be built stone by stone." (pg 36)

Chapter One Questions (with my answers in the comments)

Do you feel you're more spiritually/emotionally mature than men or simply that you define yourself by your acceptance by others (men)? pg 20

1 Cor. 7:17
NKJ : "But as God has distributed to each one, as the Lord has called each one, so let him walk. And so I ordain in all the churches."
Message : "And don't be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God's place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there. God, not your marital status, defines your life."

How does it make you feel that woman (not man) is the height of creation? pg 22

Quotation from Captivating : "Something is not good, not right. Something is missing-and that something is Eve. She is the crescendo, the final, astonishing work of God. Woman. In one last flourish creation comes to a finish not with Adam, but with Eve. She is the Master's finishing touch...Eve is the crown of creation, not an afterthought...Eve is created because things were not right without her. Something was not good...The world is young and completely unstained. Adam is yet in his innocence and full of glory. He walks with God. Nothing stands between them. They share something none of us has ever known-only longed for: an unbroken friendship; untouched by sin. Yet something is not good? Something is missing?..Eve. Woman. Femininity...."